35 truths learned from children, and some more
1. There is no such thing as childproofing your house.
2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape.
5. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a
20' x 20' room.
6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
7. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up
several times before you get a hit.
8. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.
11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh", it is already
too late.
12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smokes-lots of it.
13. A 6 year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
60-year-old man says it can only be done in the movies.
14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
15. If you use a waterbed as a home plate while wearing baseball shoes,
it does not leak. It explodes.
16. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq ft house
almost 4 inches deep.
17. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.
18. Duplos will not.
19. Play-Doh and microwave ovens should never be used in the same sentence.
20. Super Glue is forever.
21. MacGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
22. So can Tarzan.
23. No matter how much Jell-O you put in the pool, you still can't walk
on water.
24. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
25. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
26. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
27. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
28. You probably don't want to know what that odor is.
29. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
30. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
31. The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5-minute response.
32. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
33. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
34. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
35. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life.
(....unfortunately, mostly in retrospect). :-)
And some more ......
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
* No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
* When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
* If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the
second person.
* Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
* You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
* Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
* Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
* Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
* Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
* School lunches stick to the wall.
* You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
* Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
* The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.
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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
* Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
* There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look
for it.
For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles
don't hurt.
* Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an
aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
* The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant
atmosphere... and let the air out of their tires.
* Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is
due.
* Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.
* Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
* Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
* Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the
toy.
* My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
* The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
* One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria.
* If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
* Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can
happen to you the rest of the day!
* You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and
wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
* Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters
and too young to borrow the family car.
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