How To Write a Term Paper, Article or Book.
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted
place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you
understand it.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to
help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with
your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the
paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonald's and buy a
hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you
his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those
irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop him.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight,
comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty
of freshly sharpened pencils.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain
you understand it.
7. Check your e-mail; reply to everyone who sent you
letters.
8. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp
since fourth grade... You'd better write that letter now and
get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
9. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
10. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it ,
I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that
paper.
11. Listen to the other side.
12. Check your e-mail again.
13. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
14. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's
started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your
teacher, the course, the university, the world at large.
15. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well
lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
16. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across
your tongue; savor its special flavor.
17. Check your e-mail to make sure no-one sent you any
urgent messages since the last time you checked.
18. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't
missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you
have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from
Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon is truly
worthwhile, with these exceptions: +Pro Bowler's Tour +any
movie starring Don Ameche +Star Trek
19. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on
channel 26.
20. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was
watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
21. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
22. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home.
Ask who everyone is.
23. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans
for the future.
24. Open your door and check to see if there are any
mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
25. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well
lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
26. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the
hell of it.
27. Check your e-mail.
28. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch
the sunrise.
29. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
30. Leap up and write the paper.
31. Type the paper.
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